Having lived in many small towns over the years, I have come to realize that each one has its own unique set of characteristics that sets it apart from other small towns all across the country.
When I lived in Chama, New Mexico, I met many people who were unique and special, as many of them had lived there for generations. It was the same in Conway, New Hampshire and New Ulm, Minnesota, all places which I was pleased to call home at some point in my life.
That being said, every small town I have ever lived in or visited has at least one of these people. I am not writing this to say all these people are bad, as all of them contribute something to the culture of the town they inhabit and, more often than not, are people I relied on at one point or another while I lived in their town. Most people can relate these characteristics to someone they know or may even see themselves reflected in these characteristics and descriptions.
The Historian: Usually an elderly man (or a long-winded one, depending on your particular point of view) and almost always a native. He will tell you, often without being asked, exactly where the old hotel once stood, the names of all the people who stayed there each summer, and what the weather was like the day before, the day of, and the day after, it burned to the ground. This was normally a person I would turn to - and still turn to - to find out information that might be helpful in learning about the community.
The Doer: Usually a male member of the working professionals. He is the chairman of the church executive committee, serves as city councilman, raises money for the area hospital, and convinces "The Club" to allow townspeople to play their golf course during the spring and fall, and his wife is the president of Women's Club. I have met a few of these in my time, and not only because of my role as a journalist.
The Voice: Man or woman, native or newcomer, the voice sings at every town occasion in which singing is called for (generally at local concerts, tree lighting ceremonies and monument unveiling ceremonies). And, this person also holds his or her notes longer than anyone else does. The voice is a soprano or a tenor - depending on sex - (and is rarely an alto or bass). This person is also quick to lead sing-along events, beginning with "On Moonlight Bay," at parties. The voice once choked during a church Christmas solo, and no one present has ever mentioned the incident from that day to the present.
The Eccentric: Exists from town to town in many forms, man or woman, native, or newcomer, but whose actions are ever so slightly strange. Most of the time it is because of a past they regret or never discuss, but they are always present and, sometimes, they become one of the previously mentioned people.
The Good Cook: Always a native and usually a woman, unless it is a chili cook-off, like some towns in Texas tend to host annually. At church suppers (famous all over New England), pieces of her lemon meringue pies are taken from the serving tables (by those oblivious of proper conduct) before the main-course dishes, just to be sure. She can cook and manage a baked-bean-roast-and-hot-fresh-rolls supper for 300 people - served exactly on the announced hour, every dish piping hot and with bottomless cups of incredibly good coffee. In marked contrast to the Good Cook, the Good Cook's husband is usually quite skinny. My grandmother - herself a product of a small town in upstate New York - would have fit this description quite well.
The Mystery Man: One of the very few people in town whose ancestry and place of birth cannot be determined. Also, no one is quite sure what he does for a living or if he ever had a wife and family. Or why he leaves town for 10 days every three months except during odd-numbered years. The Mystery Man causes extensive frustration. I, unfortunately, have found myself in this category on more than one occasion. Not that it is a bad thing. It is just that, in a small town, everyone wants to know what everyone else is doing. Hence, the frustration.
That Woman: She may not be pretty in the classic sense, but there is something vaguely exotic - and cheap - about her appearance. She wears her hair long, uses elaborate makeup, and elicits from each and every other woman in town - native or newcomer - an instant and irrevocable hatred. On sight. I have met a few of these in my time, as well.
The Celebrity: Who either commanded the Second Army in Europe during World War II, wrote the screenplay for an early Fred MacMurray or Ronald Reagan movie, or was aboard Admiral Byrd's plane on the first flight over the North Pole in May of 1926. The celebrity, more often than not, wears an ascot. When I lived in Santa Fe - which does not really fit my idea of a small town, as it has a population of over 70,000 - there is that one person whose celebrity status is so amazing that everyone is drawn to him, yet there is no evidence that he was ever involved in anything that famous.
The Do-Gooder: A wealthy, elderly woman who, in a pinch, could qualify for the role of the Eccentric. She has waged a life-long crusade against cruelty to animals, once suggested that an African-American person be invited to speak on integration and occasionally holds a seminar for the purpose of breaking down barriers between natives and newcomers. There are, of course, no natives there.
The Force: Always a woman and always a native. Her blessing is absolutely crucial to the success of almost any church, school, or town organization project. She never speaks out at meetings and, in private, speaks out only to her most intimate friends. Since the opinions she expresses are always in the negative, any project about which she has failed to utter a single word is considered to have her heartfelt support. How her considerable power is derived has always been a mystery to me.
Finally, there is The Gossip: Usually a native and always - due probably to stereotypical attitudes - a woman. Of course, in a small town, every man and woman at all social levels is a gossip. As Thornton Wilder said, "In our town we like to know the facts about everybody." But the Gossip, someone with ready access to people on a day-to-day basis, is counted upon by everyone in town to deny or confirm the latest rumors. She always confirms them. And adds to them. Also, she is an unwitting tool for a few wily residents who use her to spread their version of the facts. Unfortunately, as a resident of small towns, I have fallen victim to this person more than once.
Before I close, I should also mention, of course, the Idiot, the Lover (male or female), the Drunk, and a few others, but I am already in enough trouble and anyone who lives in a small town understands where I am coming from in all of this. None of this changes my appreciation for small town life, as each person in a town brings their own characteristics, which makes it all the more pleasant a place to hang my hat on a daily basis.
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